Hi, my name is Y. T. McWhitey. Friends and enemies alike call me Y. T. I have a confession to make. I have white privilege! Not because there is anything special about me or anything. Given the color of my skin it’s a no brainer that I have white privilege. But of course you already knew that. I am white after all. Ahh…it feels so liberating to say that. It’s kind of strange…it also gives me a feeling of…of…of virtue…a feeling of…superiority even.

I know what you are thinking. As a white person, I need to be careful about feelings of superiority, after all did I not just confess that I have white privilege…a touch of racism even. You don’t understand. I feel superior to other white people who do not understand their own white priviege and racist tendencies. That’s the difference.

This puts me a in position to lecture fellow white people, while gaining browning poin…uh…credibility in the black community. Whenever I get the opportunity, I love to point out the racism of other white racists, who loves to hate, hate, hate.

Many times my confrere white brethren would protest and tell me that they are not racist. They point to the way they actually treat people as evidence that they are not racist. That is when I point out to them that it does not matter how they treat people. They must be aware of their unconscious racism. That is when they get really confused.

All that nonesense spoken by the great Dr. Marting Luther King about judging people by the content of their character does not apply to white people. White people must be assessed as a group.

Let me explain how white privilege works.

One time, a black colleague and a white colleague of mine were arguing about something none work related. My white colleague got so frustrated with my black colleague that he told him he is ignorant and needs to shut up. I had to step in and remind my white colleague that as a privileged white male he should not be calling people of colour ignorant, neither should he tell them to shut up. Who was he to deny that black man his truth? To be honest that black colleague is a real jerk and half the time he opens his mouth, he really does not know what the heck he is talking about, but that is beside the point. Because we possess white privilege we cannot treat black people as equals. They must be treated with kids gloves.

In another instance, I had to explain to a young executive how white privilege works. He was telling me how hard he worked and how much he sacrificed to get where he is. I, Y. T. McWhitey had to bring him down a notch by explaining to him that he should not feel to proud of his so called “accomplishments.”

You see, his great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather once owned slaves. As a descendant of these evil slave owners, it did not matter that he had to work two jobs, survive on a diet of Ramen Noodles, and struggle to pay his rent while he was in college. The many nights he spent burning the midnight oil studying hard had very little to do with his success in life. He needed to understand that he was the recipient of white privilege, and it was my privilege…(heh heh, get it? Privilege!) to let him know.

White people also need to understand that it is never ok to laugh at people of color…ok? It does not matter how funny you might think it is. It…is…not…cool! One more time, as a white person, you do not make fun of people of color.

One time I had to pull my BFF aside and chastize him for laughing at a black man’s hear style. True, it was a god awful hair style that made the black dude look like he was straight out of a 1860s circus side show, but that’s his culture. It really upset me to see how insensitive my BFF could be, but I let him know, it was not ok. No one has the right to chuckle at that, especially a privileged white male.

I do this from a pure heart, and besides it also helps to keep unfavorable attention away from me…but that’s not why I do it…really.

Sometimes I even have to speak truth to black people who do not understand how white privilege works. I have no problem telling black people who do not think the way that I do that they are race traitors. They have to understand that nothing is ever their own fault…whatever the problem may be. It is my job to let black people know that the bank loans they have been denied, the police stops, the disparate incaceration rate and every other problem they face in society is never their fault. It is the system’s fault. They have to understand this. It is for their own good.

Any black person who does not accept this way of thinking, thinks differently, and has an independent mind is just an Uncle Tom who lives in the sunken place. They must understand that they are victims of the system and they need me, Y. T. McWhitey to be their hero.

Don’t you just love me?