Oh oh! This time it is true. We know it is true because the 16 year old doomsayer from Sweden has declared it to be true. 

Humanity will do well to pay attention to this teenager who has clearly shown that she knows what she is talking about when she speaks of the impending doom that is about to befall all of mankind. 

Be careful now! She has been flinging about the word science in order validate her claims. Everyone knows that people are supposed to bow and do obeisance to the word “science” whenever some important person tosses it out, and make no mistake; lil miss Greta is important. 

So everyone, just go ahead and cast aside your ability to think, to read, to understand, to analyze and compare data, and arguments , etc. The all powerful word, “science” renders anything that you think as useless.  Deductive reasoning be damned! Inductive reasoning…psst…get outta here with that? Abductive reasoning what!?! SCIENCE!!! So there you go. Beat that! 

Having cleared that up (you’re welcome), let’s just go ahead and agree with the sixteen year old halo wearing kid from Sweden lecturing world leaders and citizens around the globe. If we do not stop using gasoline and other products that are derived from fossil fuels we’re all gonna die in…in…in 15 years, no in 25 years, make that…um…17 years. Ok lets just go ahead and play it safe…in one hundred years.

This child, wise beyond her years is undoubtedly humanity’s last hope. We must listen to her! After all the holy scriptures declare that “a child shall lead them.” Ladies and gentlemen, people everywhere, here in America, and across the globe, THIS IS THE CHILD! And besides, Hollywood says so. How’s that for an added layer of certainty. 

Greta has been sent by mother earth herself to bring the message to the world that we are all about to die if we do not pay heed to her prophetic message.  As she spreads her message of doom, her disciples demand that we all put aside our capacity to think, and like a bunch of sheep in need of a sixteen year old shepherd, just follow her lead. 

Do not pay any attention to those false prophets who have come before her. Forget that over the last six decades not one of her predecessors have ever made one prophecy that has been fulfilled (and there has been many). She is the real deal! Pay attention to her. She knows what she is talking about.  

The other doomsayers who predicted the end of the world in times past were also certain about their predictions of the perilous times ahead, but that’s another story. They do not need to explain themselves to anyone. Just know that this time…this time…this time, the end really is nigh, and if the world does not pay heed to the young know it all, Greta Thurnberg, it’s over. 

Yeah,  yeah, yeah, everyone hears the protestations. But…but…but you say, what about the fact that Paul Erhlich predicted that millions upon millions upon millions would die of starvation by the 1970s or 1980s because of “overpopulation,” and as a result the end of civilization would ensue? It don’t matter! 

Some remind that Dr David Viner, a senior research scientist at the climatic research unit (CRU) of the University of East Anglia said that “within a few years winter snowfall will become “a very rare and exciting event”. Well it depends on what within a few years means, but just in case anyone missed it the first time, here it is again for your benefit. It don’t matter! 

So what about when climate scientists said that if by the year 2000 the world did not get global warming (or was it climate change?) under control, it would be too late? That was then, this is now. It don’t matter!  

Did you not hear that 98 percent of scientists all over the world have formed a consensus that civilization is about to come to a  cataclysmic halt, and the earth as we know it will be destroyed in a cosmic vortex of CO2? 

Oh oh, there’s that word again…or at least a variation of it…scientists. Please throw all thinking out the window now! Thank you. 

We all know that scientists are incapable of bias right? They are pure as the wind driven snow. They are incapable of promoting political agendas, and whatever they say goes, especially those scientists from that august body called the United Nations. No leftist agendas being driven from there, none whatsoever! 

Most important though, Bill Nye says that we are all about to die if we don’t stop driving SUVs. Bill Nye is the “Science guy” who once upon a time used to hold to the stupid notion that boys are boys and girls are girls. Ok ok…must focus. That’s a whole other issue.  

Anyway, thing is most Americans think that it is important to protect the environment. They want clean air, clean water, they don’t want the forests to disappear, or the land to become a huge dump. That’s why as a country, America has so many laws and mechanisms in place to protect the environment. 

Americans are not against keeping the environment clean at all. They are just against environment worshippers using the environment as an excuse for the government to make more and more laws that impose on people’s freedom, and to push political agendas. 

They also do not buy in to the idea that the world is about to end because of climate change, because in the last 150 years of the earth’s entire existence, the temperature has risen by .08 degrees.

These stupid Americans are just a bunch of science/climate deniers.